Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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