she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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