Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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