dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
