i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
