I can't watch pbs sober anymore
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
