Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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