They should really pass out barf bags in church
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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