Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
