ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
