How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
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