ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
