Soap is not a condiment
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
