Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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