plz talk dirty to me
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
