Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
