got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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