just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
