I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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