I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
