Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
