Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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