Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
