i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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