she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
