The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
