Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
