3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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