I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
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She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
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I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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