If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
