I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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