Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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