How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
