I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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