whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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