1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
