i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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