Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
