I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
