he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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