You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
When did angry sex become our thing?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
