Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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