I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Randomize
