i think my tv is drunk
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
