i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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