I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
