What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
