The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
