hell yes lets make some ravioli
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
