i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
