i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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