She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
