i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
