just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
