so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
