I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
