i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
