Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
