she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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