I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
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