Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
