Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
this hospital has no fireball
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
