Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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