Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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