Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
grandma shit on top of the toilet
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
